She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
