Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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