Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
