Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
