connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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