He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
