I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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