I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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