then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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