Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
