And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Randomize
