Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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