Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
