EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
