How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
