hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
