when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
