Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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