so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
