Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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