do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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