Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
