I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
