You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
