I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
