Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
