Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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