Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
