It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
