So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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