I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
