guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
