sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
