No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
