I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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