He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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