i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I deserve this hangover.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
