i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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