somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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