He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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