I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
