Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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