when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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