I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
