addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
