he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
