There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
