Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
