hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The air was thick with penises
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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