Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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