Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
