My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
