Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
