I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
