Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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