he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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