Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
